Still hoping to rekindle my interest in photography, I took a walk to the cemeteries in Bergmannstraße and, incidentally, to a market at Marheinekeplatz, back in mid-August. The fact that I only bothered to look at the photos on my laptop weeks later says a lot about my lack of passion …….). (By the way: recommended pitstop: Café Strauß, in a disused building belonging to the cemeteries).

Anyway, although I can’t claim to be back in photography mode, I can say that I am definitely better able to take sharp(ish) and more detailed photos with Fujifilm than with Canon.

Let me just emphasise this again, as touched upon in a previous post: Do not ignore a sustained period of inexplicable fatigue, no matter how diffuse. Cancer tumours will put your immune system into working overtime, so even if feeling tired daily is your only symptom, if it lasts more than a couple of weeks, and you have no other explanation for it, start the detective work together with your GP. Fatigue in itself is not mentioned anywhere when you search for symptoms of breast cancer, but in my case, it was the first, and for a long time the only one, and I was just lucky that the invitation to the public mammography screening came when it came.

So where do I go from here. Recurrence seems to be a – recurrent – theme after having had one of the hormone-positive types of cancer. At my follow-up consultation with one of the surgeons a week after surgery, it was recommended that I take hormone inhibitors. I had already read about those, mostly on Facebook, and did and do not like the sound of the side effects. When I asked what would happen if I did not take them, the surgeon just repeated that they recommend them, and added that I should discuss this with my gynecologist.

The following is my own take on what I have gleaned from having done some more research and after my first post-op consultation with my gynecologist. I am not trying to tell others what to do – it is simply this – a step in my own process of decision-making.

Not everyone experiences side effects, and many only have one side effect: arthritis in the fingers and hands. However, other side effects can be quite crippling, and also include things like mood swings and weight gain. Issues which a lot of us can manage to experience very well even without taking those pills, thank you very much.

With the types of tumours I had, together with my age, the indications for taking them are fewer than for many others, and the statistics are in any case not clear. There are no guarantees. One can get another type of cancer, not hormone receptive, or one can get run over by a bus. And it is not as if science can state for certain that if I get cancer in five or ten years, it will be because I did not take those pills, and vice-versa – if I am still cancer free in five or ten years, it is because I did take them. Unfortunately, the statistics are not – yet – that specific.

I am coming to the solution that I will take a very small dose, and if the side effects become unlivable with, I stop. It is important to note that most of the most common side effects go away again after stopping.

There is growing awareness that diet and exercise play a significant role in prevention, and again – it is all about strengthening your immune system. Of course, just like with the above mentioned statistics, it is not the case that one can definitely say that if you are still cancer free five to ten years after surgery, it is because you dropped red meat and sugar, nor vice-versa – noone can say with certainty that if you eat red meat and sugar, you will get cancer (although research is actually starting to point in that direction, and especially in the case of sugar which is like fertiliser for cancer).

For now, I eat salad, salad, and salad 😊(there is enough information online on how to eat an immune-boosting, anti-inflammatory diet – I am not at this point going to go into details). I am also moving towards intermittent fasting, since another persistent piece of advice is to stay slim, in fact ultra-slim, and try to not have any excess fat on one’s body at all 😊- for now, not so easy for me since I like food, and am still a bit limited in the exercise department (now that I am no longer wearing compresses, my scars start to hurt long before I have done my 10.000 (let alone 20.000 which I would prefer) steps per day. I could wear compresses on long walks, you say? Certainly, and I will, as soon as the temperatures drop from the current over 30 C each day. I listen to at least one guided meditation each day. I try to do floor exercises (Gabi Fastner style) as much as I can, but that should really rather wait another four to six weeks.

And finally, although not directly related to a diet/exercise regime) I listen to at least one guided meditation each day, and on days where I remember it, I use infrared light on my torso/scars. Both of which I find contribute greatly to a general feeling of well-being, althoug in the case of the infrared light, the jury is till out whether it has a positive effect on scars.

After the summer, when I will no longer feel like eating salad for all meals, I will start looking into (mostly but not exclusively) vegetarian and vegan recipes that comply with the nutritional guidelines for immune-boosting and anti-inflammatory food, and do some real cooking, and also see how I can incorporate rare but regular, and to me quality-of-life-enhancing treats, which in my case are things like a glass of wine, a bit of cheese, ….. (My desire for sweet things, which was never great but I have been known to enjoy the odd cake when having coffee in a café, or a dessert, especially if it was one that I had never tried before) has practically gone now that I know just to what extent cancer loves sugar.

…. as we say in our circles, does have its advantages – no need for bra straps unless you want prostheses. Although when looking around, one does get the impression that visible bra straps are not the complete no-no that they were when I was young :-). In fact, one can easily get the impression, that showing one’s bra straps is a mandatory fashion statement.

As touched upon in a previous post, I am not sure to what extent I want to camouflage my flatness. I guess it will often depend on my mood and what I want to wear. For now, my priority is on comfort and what feels easy on the skin and the still tender scars, and that definitely excludes any kind of padding, let alone prosthesis. There are still tips to follow, such as pleats and folds, as in the photo above, and big print and breast pockets, as in the below photo which happens to have both.